Oh you guys. This was supposed to be a very perky, happy, let’s all embrace 2014 and make it the best year we ever had-kinda post and now I am so sad.
One of the biggest blows of 2013 came right at the end of it. I’m getting a new boss at work, which obviously means I am losing the old one. To me that is a bit of a tragedy because my boss was one of the people who believed in me and watched out for me, supported me (quietly) when nobody else did. In a way he was my rock and now this rock is gone. His company is moving him to a new spot (where he says he doesn’t want to go), but the way it all went down makes it even more painful than it already is. I won’t go into more detail here, but I am very heartbroken right now. I know I will feel slightly better tomorrow but for now I am on the brink of crying when ever I think about it again. I never realized how much I relied on him protecting us, how much I took him for granted.
So yeah. Much like 2013 2014 starts with heartbreak.
Other than that 2013 was kind of okay. I had deep darkness as much as brilliant highlights. Highlights for me were taking control over my life to a much bigger level. I feel for once that I am on top of things, I sorted out a lot of stuff in 2013 that I had been running away from previously.
I started to see results in mental healing. I overcame fears that I had had for a long time and I relished it. Overcoming fears is one of my favorite things ever, because afterwards I feel like I am on top of the world 🙂
I am stronger now. Unforeseen obstacles don’t throw me for a loop anymore, I don’t panic as easily as I used to.
I learned to cry again. This is another sign that I am overcoming my depression. For years I simply wasn’t able to cry and when I did it was because I was f*cking furious and/or felt helpless. I can cry now because I am sad. After years of being dead inside. I am slowly, gradually learning to feel again.
The darkness in my life were anxiety, loss, pain and depression, anger, disdain and fury.
2014 will be an important year. I will graduate from college in the summer and move on to do my masters degree in the fall. This year I want to change my diet, live more healthily: mens sana in corpore sano. I will need all my strength and focus to achieve my degree without completely losing my mind, pushing everything off to the last minute and panicking in the end.
I want to be more proactive, stay on top of things. I want to move on to a job in my field in the fall.
I know there will be set backs, a lot of them, there will be more anger and tears, there will be panic and there will be insomnia and depression. I will take life one day at a time, though. I will let myself feel, allow myself time to grieve and heal.
Thank you, all of you that have been reading and supporting my Up Close and Personal-posts. I know they come kind of irregularly but I only want to post when I have something to say, I hope you are okay with that. I would love it if you came along in 2014 and joined me in my journey of getting a little better every day.
What are your goals for 2014? What do you take away from 2013?